i have been preparing for a show I'm installing this Thursday at Kerby Lane Cafe. after coming home from Houston after my nephew's birth, i have been somewhat overwhelmed with unsatisfactory feelings in regard to my art. let me preface this with, don't be fooled..all artists go thru this..not all blog about it..we aren't always that put together and happy with our work....i have just chosen to write about it so it might give you a glimpse into my process. this last week i have all of the sudden wanted to quit it all. do something totally different...not art related. i have been so depressed by this. no inspiration, motivation, sensory overload and boredom had set in. it made me so sad, because the last 10 years i have worked to get to this point...a full time artist. and now, I'm not satisfied????? WTF? I'm an extremist sometimes and this was one of those moments when i just wanted to walk away completely.
i played the lotto.
Jean and i were at dinner, and i was talking to her about all of this. then, serendipity stepped in. as we were chatting i opened my fortune cookie and low and behold it said "your creativity takes you to great heights." HELLO! okay universe, i get it. talk about tapping you on the shoulder. anyways, we started talking about money (because that has something to do with my dissatisfaction) and decided that if there was ever a time to play the lotto with the numbers off a fortune...this was that time.
needless to say, we didn't win. poo.
BUT, i was warmed and comforted by two things during this. as i was drifting off to sleep that serendipitous night, of course i fantasized about what i would do with all that money. my thought was to have a ceramics studio....and i would give my art away. i like that thought. the other, was a discussion with my friend Dewayne that made me feel like a valued artist and that i deserve to be successful and happy. for some reason, i believe him.